An imagined affair
Cities, like relationships, often present similar fallacies. One common mistake we probably all did at least once when in a romantic relationship is falling in love with the *idea* of a person, rather than who they truly are.
We meet someone, imagining they check off all the boxes on our internal checklist.
But as the relationship develops, we start noticing discrepancies between our 'internal ideal’ and the reality of *who they really are*.
This often leads to disappointment, as we feel they are “failing” us. But in truth, the person is simply *being themselves* and there’s no chance you can change them - or if they could change for you.
At first, this can be a painful realization, but in the long run, it’s most likely a blessing.
“We’ve fallen in love with an ideal, not the reality. To truly understand someone, we need to let go of our checklist, accept them as they are, and move on if necessary.
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Planning a trip or visiting a new place follows a similar pattern. We envision the experience, book our travel, and create an itinerary, imagining how we’ll feel along the way.
Once the plan unfolds, we may ask ourselves, “Is this really it?” A common question I ask when visiting a new place is, Can I imagine myself living here?
These questions reveal our tendency to idealize places, just as we do people.
Take New York, for example. It’s a city that, in many ways, didn’t meet my expectations.
(And I definitely wasn’t expecting much.)
But by acknowledging this, I could embrace the city’s true character—the chaos, the raw energy, the mix of possibility and failure. New York offers something for everyone, with each neighborhood representing a different vibe.
Upper East Side before the rain
Yet, they all share a common thread: the soil of the U.S., infused with a spirit that harkens back to the country’s untamed beginnings.
It’s a place where capitalism thrives (and fails?), where opportunity is seized to its fullest and where taking risks is a norm. It’s where everyone can express themselves.
In New York, freedom and responsibility go hand in hand-one cannot exist without the other. And you’d better be precise in what you’re aiming for.
The stakes are high - as high as when you’re choosing your romantic partner.
